Wednesday, April 25, 2012
To say that the years between this picture and now brought hard times would be an understatement, but they also brought many happy times. We celebrated anniversaries, more babies were born, we struggled through job trials, financial issues, and the general war zone that develops when two people get married and begin to live in the same house. Of course, if you've been reading my blog for a while you also know that there was a time when our marriage almost didn't survive. The last few years have been a time of rebuilding and refocusing.
I have learned a lot about myself in looking back over all of those years, especially the past two years. I have realized areas in which I have struggled for all of my teen and adult years (so far), and I have become aware of my at-times-severe insecurities. I have looked back and seen the times when my insecurities became overwhelming and I reacted by becoming controlling. Now, this is not to say that I am to blame for everything my husband and I have gone through. He was young when we married, too, and had a lot of growing up to do the same as I did. But, those are realizations for him to make (and he certainly has). All I can control is myself. What I can do is pray for wisdom and insight to see the parts of myself that need changing, and trust God with all the rest.
One of our pastors at church the other day said something that goes perfectly with this. He said, "Your failures do not define you, but they should refine you." I want to be refined. I know from first-hand experience that the refining fire of God is very hot and very painful, but also very necessary. A rose garden left un-pruned gets unruly and overgrown and becomes not good for anything. I desire to continue growing in my identity in Christ, to continue being transformed by my loving and Holy God. But that requires refining. It demands that I take a long hard look at myself, and prayerfully consider attitudes and behaviors that do not reflect the glory of God. It also requires me to replace those attitudes and behaviors with ones that DO reflect the glory of God.
I am writing all of this out because what I plan to do soon is a self-guided look through the Bible to see what it says about being a Godly wife and mother. I have ready plenty of books on marriage, and they provided some great insight. Actually, I am getting ready to read one of them again because it's been about a year since we read it. But, what I intend to do is go straight to the Source, and read through what God says about His plans and intentions for me as a wife to my husband and as a mother to my children.
I look forward to finding some great insight, and I will most definitely bring it right here to share with you! Want to join me?