I shake my head as I read the closing sentence in my last post. Little did I know that within a matter of hours of posting, a fierce, angry, powerful storm would blow through and take with it everything that we take for granted.
People were left without power, some without water, and scrambling to make right what had been made crooked.
I don't do well in the crooked. When the crooked comes, as it always does, it reminds me of who I am, and Who I am not. For us, the crooked has been winding it's way around for several weeks now.
"Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what He has made crooked?" (Ecclesiastes 7:13)
I have tried to sit down a few times to write, and found that I just didn't have any words. I have tried to pour myself out to my children, my family, to you, and have found that I just don't have any to pour.
Sometimes in life I am brought to this place where I need to just sit and let others pour in to me. To let God fill me with Himself, let the Holy Spirit grow and swell inside until I am filled. To read the words of others, reminding me what my desire for this blog even is; reminding me how I don't need to just love my children, but like them as well; and on how hope that is based on anything but God always leaves you in the wanting.
I stand in the shower, overcome by it all, with salty tears washing my face along with the water, and wonder why it is that I am so weak. I have been through so much, learned so much, grown so much, and yet the crooked can still make me stumble. I confess my weakness, and in the whisper of the water I hear Him say, "I know, I already knew, and I am not finished with you." He reminds me that the storms of life won't destroy me, but they may bend and shape me. And it's okay.
Each crooked path is a reminder for me to not get lost by looking at all the madness around me, but to hold tighter to His hand.
"It puzzles me; but, Lord, you understand,
And will one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Your best-
Its very crookedness taught me to cling.
You have fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wandering eyes fixed on You,
To make me what I was not, humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love to You.
So I will thank and praise You for this puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing You do hold me worth such testing,
I cling closer to Your guiding hand."
(Streams in the Desert)