Monday, May 21, 2012

Our Story, part 1

In a couple of my blog posts I have mentioned the fact that my husband and I went through an incredibly difficult time in our marriage a few years ago. Lately I have felt like God is calling me to step out and share the whole story.
One of our pastors said something the other day that really blessed me and encouraged me in making this decision (it seems like they have been blessing me so much lately with their wisdom!). He said "when we have the opportunity to trade something that is not eternal for something that is eternal, we should make that trade every single time." In putting our story out there, I am choosing to trust in God to use it to help other people instead of holding on to my own comfort. So, here is the first part of our story of a marriage ripped apart by sin, and redeemed by God's Grace.
Untitled by *megan_elzey*
We grew up in a small town, and in some ways it seems like we had always been aware of each other. I was a year ahead of him in school, and during my senior year we were in the same math class. Being so close in proximity to him every day, I began to really notice him, especially when he began tripping me when I would pass his seat to go to my seat (hey, we were in high school). At some point my friend starting talking to me about him, because she thought we would look cute together. And he had a car. One evening I went to the Senior Night volleyball game in support of my friend. I noticed one of his friends there before the game started and asked him if he knew if Scott would be coming. He said he didn't know. About 10 minutes later, as we stood to sing the National Anthem, I saw him. The flag was located over top of the entrance, and it was at that moment that he arrived. In the mass of all the people, his eyes found mine. In that short amount of time that we stood staring at each other, we became completely hooked. I had begun my senior year planning to not have a boyfriend, since I was going to be going to college the next Fall. As I stood and stared at that tall, handsome boy with light hair and green eyes, all of that changed. I later learned that his friend had called him (on the pay phone, hee hee) and told him that I had asked about him. He immediately left to come to the game. Within a few days, we were officially a "couple". God already had plans for us that were bigger than we could have ever imagined.
We dated through my senior year and then his, and through both of us going to separate colleges. We had the normal issues that most other dating couples had, especially since we were so young, but through it all there was an underlying bond that brought us through everything we went through. On a beautiful day in May, 5 1/2 years after that volleyball game, we stood before friends and family and said our vows. We were young and naive, but we knew that we were best friends and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives together. What we didn't realize was that we were both taking a great deal of baggage resulting from our individual childhoods into our marriage with us, and as the years passed and life got hard, that baggage would rear it's very ugly head. We were doing the best we knew how, but through the stress of life, pregnancy, a miscarriage, and three babies born in less than 4 years, the way we were treating each other drew us away from instead of towards each other.
By the middle of my pregnancy of our third child, we had a 1 and 3 year old, and our 5 1/2 year marriage was in serious trouble. We began seeing a marriage counselor to work out our issues. We discovered a lot about the way we were treating each other, about my insecurities and abandonment issues stemming from my parent's divorce and the lack of my father's involvement in my life, about his feelings of never being good or capable enough carried over from his childhood, and our shared tendency to avoid discussing conflict.  While we were discovering many things during our therapy sessions, in between them Scott would still withdrawal from me. We would take steps forward with our counselor, and then steps way back when it was just the two of us.
Finally, during one of the snowiest days in February, our third child was born. Amid the joy of her arrival and wonderful home birth was the overriding feeling that our marriage was still in deep trouble.

This is part 1 of 3. You can find part 2 here, and part 3 here.

1 comment:

Sheena said...

Thanks a lot Megan for sharing your story. I am at the beginning of my own journey like what you had ... waiting for my husband to come into his senses while God will reform me first to be the kind of woman, wife and mother that He wants me to be. I'm so inspired by the many stories I have read here and heard ... Stories of marriage ripped by sin and restored by the grace of God. Indeed, nothing is impossible with the Lord. He will always fulfill His promises and He will complete His plan for us when we will obey Him. It won't be that easy but I'm determined and committed to stay on track with the Lord. I will be patient and I will persevere. I trust that the Lord will be there always to comfort and guide me whenever the climb will be tough and hard. I will always declare, claim and hang on to His promises. God is faithful and He will always deliver to those who love Him. With the knowledge that I'm doing it for the Lord and for His glory, that should be enough motivation for me. Lastly, I will never allow the evil to win so I will never give up. Godbless us all.